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Creative Writing

Week 12: Australiana, you’re soaking in it

Strine: A wonderfully colourful way of enhancing any communication with a ‘touch of Aussie’.

When I first moved to Australia, as a 10 year old, I naturally knew no ‘Aussie’. Sure, we supposedly spoke the same language, English, but there were so many parts of the Aussie sentence that completely baffled me.

This was understandable, and equivalent to foreigners—even those with a good grasp of English—being completely bamboozled by Cockney, or the dialects of the British regions. In Britain you can travel 20 miles into another county and be completely unable to understand what the residents there are saying.

As an example, Cockneys are very adept at ‘rhyming slang’:

Guide to Cockney Rhyming Slang

  • Apples and Pears = stairs.
  • Bees and honey = money.
  • Bottle and stopper = copper (police man or woman).
  • Butcher’s hook = look.
  • Duck and dive = hide.
  • Dog and bone = phone.
  • Kettle and hob = watch.
  • Mince pies = eyes.

I am led to believe that post-WWII and through to the 1970s, rhyming slang was still very popular in Australia. My favourite phrase that I heard when I arrived in 1969 was, ‘Whistle and flute’, for ‘Suit’.

But of course, it’s not just slang that gets newcomers confused.

To pay my rent and bills, I was a courier driver in London when I first moved over to London in 1987 to attempt to become a rock star. Delivering to a south-London corporation one day, the lags working in the Loading Bay were very friendly and helpful, especially when I dropped what I was carrying and bent over, clutching my kneecaps, laughing uproariously to a phrase one of the lags had said:

‘Well, go to the foot of my stairs’.

I had absolutely no idea what it meant, but I had tears from laughing. The lag who said it wouldn’t tell me what it meant, so to this day I still laugh. I could Google it, of course, but I’m sure finding what it means will destroy the magic.

Then, in 1983, came the phenomenally successful (in Australia) comedy sketch ‘Australiana’, recorded live at a Sydney comedy venue (Tayshus and Birmingham). It was number one in the Australian charts for eight weeks and was almost religiously quoted by Boomer males at bbqs.


Here’s some of the skit:

My mate, Boomer, rang. Said he was having a few people around for a Barbie. Will Walla be there? Vegie might come. Let’s go, Anna. Only if Din goesNulla bores me. Speak ill of WarraAyers rock in. Alice springs into action. Thanks, Warra, ta. Has Eucum been in? Wait until Gum leaves. On the lawn, CestonMarie knows. Leave Jack around a party. Adel laid it on me. Do you wanna game of euchre, Lyptus? Can Wom bat? Can Tenta fieldDar wins every time. Is Bass straight? Swim in the River, Ina. I’ve got no cossie, Oscar. Without a thread, BoPerish the thought. No cooler bar maid. Where can Marsu pee, AlYou reek of StockadeCook a burra. A pair of queens land in. Crack on to Woomba. Try to mount Isa. Trying to plait her puss. Flash your wanger at herWhat’ll ‘ey care? Seen a cock or two. Pack Bill a bong. Will a didgery do? Where’s the Tally-ho, BartGreat, Barry—a reefer, What is it mate? Noosa Heads of course. Blew Mountains away. Lord! How? Hey! Man! How much can a Koala bear? Lead you astray, Liana.

Billy Birmingham and Austen Tayshus, ‘Australiana’, 1983

Anyone not versed in Australia and its flora, fauna, towns, iconic retail products and geography wouldn’t stand a chance of understanding why so many Aussies in the 80s bought the single and, later, watched the video over and over on YouTube. Like ‘The Young Ones’ and ‘Monty Python’, many (mostly male and inebriated) Aussies would recite the skit completely at parties and bbqs.

On top of that, let us not forget, there’s well-used Australianisms such as, ‘Classic!’, ‘Bonza’, ‘G’day’, and the absolutely standard-issue phrase, ‘Shit yeah!’ (White Power).

All of which leads us to the pinnacle of Aussiedom—the full-bloodied and full-throated Aussie legends Dame Edna Everage (Everage) and my personal hero and role model, Sir Les Patterson (Sir Les Patterson). Their friend, the late Barry Humphries, added to the Australian language with such gems as, ‘parking the tiger’, ‘technicolour yawn’ and ‘driving the porcelain bus’ (all of which are, of course, euphemisms for vomiting after drinking heavily, also an Aussie pastime).

Australiana, you’re soaking in it. You ought to be congratulated! (Mojo; Palmolive)


Bibliography

Everage, Dame Edna. “Dame Edna’s Funniest Moments – Greatest Chat Show Guest of All Time.” 2023. https://youtu.be/l0Bjuy5V1Xo.

Mojo. “Meadow Lea ‘Congratulated’ (Montage).” 1984. https://youtu.be/EP-06DT2VQ0

Palmolive. “Madge – Celebration “, 1989. https://youtu.be/CXvUXM3xURU Accessed 20th May 2023.

Sir Les Patterson. “Late Lunch with Les.”  Channel 4. 1991. https://youtu.be/dQWdT6TxwfQ

Tayshus, Austen and Billy  Birmingham. “Australiana.”  Australia. 1983. https://youtu.be/StcXGhuliRk. Accessed 20th May 2023.

White Power, Clayton Bigsby. “Shit Yeah.” Urban Dictionary https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Shit%20Yeah. Accessed 20th May 2023.