As an AuDHD psychologist and counsellor\u2014someone living and working at the intersection of autism and ADHD\u2014I often get asked: what\u2019s it like doing therapy from the inside out? What changes when the person in the therapist\u2019s chair is wired similarly to the person on the couch?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A lot, actually. And the more I sit with clients who are neurodivergent, the more I realise how much traditional therapy models miss or even misfire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let\u2019s get something straight: most psychology training still teaches us to be blank slates. Avoid self-disclosure. Be neutral. Maintain professional distance. That\u2019s lovely in theory\u2014and works for some people\u2014but it\u2019s absolutely baffling for many of us who are autistic, ADHD, or both. We crave context, we build trust through shared understanding, and we tend to learn and heal through dialogue, not neutrality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I was first getting into therapy, both as a client and later as a clinician, I found myself bouncing off the walls of those traditional models. I didn\u2019t want a therapist who nodded politely while I spiralled. I needed someone who could meet me in my messy, expansive mind\u2014who wasn\u2019t afraid to challenge me and didn\u2019t treat my curiosity as pathology.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That\u2019s what I try to offer now. My style is conversational, responsive, deeply contextual. I lean into internal family systems, narrative therapy, and other flexible frameworks that allow clients (and me) to bring our full selves into the room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Clients often ask what modality is \u201cbest\u201d for neurodivergent folks. And I get it\u2014it\u2019s tempting to want a neat answer. But the truth is, any modality can be helpful if the therapist adapts it well. EMDR, CBT, DBT, SFBT, somatic work\u2014they all have their place. What matters more is how well they\u2019re delivered, whether the therapist understands your neurotype, and how safe you feel in the process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Personally, I love somatic approaches, but I also recognise they require a foundation of bodily safety. Many of us\u2014especially those with trauma\u2014aren\u2019t in our bodies to begin with. We might need years of verbal processing before we can do anything remotely \u201csomatic.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And let\u2019s talk about CBT. Classic cognitive behavioural therapy often falls flat for AuDHD clients. Why? Because most of us are already painfully aware of our thoughts. We\u2019ve looped through them a thousand times. We don\u2019t need to \u201cidentify the distorted belief.\u201d We need someone to help us figure out why that thought won\u2019t let go, what need it\u2019s meeting, and how to gently loosen its grip without denying its truth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
One of the most damaging messages I see in mainstream therapy is the idea that trauma is something to be \u201cfixed.\u201d That if we just work hard enough, we\u2019ll stop having flashbacks, start sleeping better, stop overreacting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But trauma isn\u2019t a malfunction. It\u2019s a perfectly reasonable response to harm. Even when the harm happened years ago. Even when the world insists we should be \u201cover it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t treat trauma as something to cure. I help people recognise it, integrate it, and make space for it. Think of it like a scar\u2014it doesn\u2019t disappear, but it changes shape, becomes less tender, stops defining your whole experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This work takes time. It takes safety. It takes the willingness to build a foundation before diving into the deep end.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m not a blank slate. I cry with my clients. I laugh with them. I tell stories. I reference 1980s songs and tv shows. I make bad jokes. I let my humanity show.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That doesn\u2019t mean I turn the session into my personal soapbox. Every story I share has a clinical rationale. But I believe in modelling vulnerability and emotional accuracy. If I want my clients to show up authentically, I have to do the same.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sometimes I get dysregulated. I\u2019m human. And when that happens, I name it. I say, \u201cYou might\u2019ve noticed something in me just now. That\u2019s not about you. It\u2019s something I\u2019ll take care of.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In doing so, I model repair. I show that therapists aren\u2019t all-knowing authority figures\u2014we\u2019re just people with more training and different boundaries. That\u2019s often what makes the therapeutic relationship transformative. It\u2019s not the technique. It\u2019s the experience of being with someone who sees you, hears you, and stays.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Many of my clients are not just neurodivergent\u2014they\u2019re gifted. They think fast. They see patterns in everything. They\u2019ve often run mental circles around therapists before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Here\u2019s what I\u2019ll say to those folks: you\u2019re not \u201ctoo much.\u201d But yes, you might need a therapist who can keep up. One who isn\u2019t dazzled by your vocabulary or your insight. One who doesn\u2019t retreat into praise instead of giving you the challenge you actually need.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s okay to ask for more. To say, \u201cI need you to push back.\u201d Therapy isn\u2019t just about being heard\u2014it\u2019s also about being sharpened. And that only happens when both people in the room are engaged.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let\u2019s dispel the myth that online therapy is second-rate. For many of us with executive function challenges, sensory issues, or low capacity, virtual sessions are a godsend. No commute, no fluorescent lights, no trying to find a carpark while your nervous system\u2019s on fire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The research backs it up: teletherapy, when done well, can be just as effective as in-person. What matters most is the quality of the relationship\u2014not whether we\u2019re sitting across from each other or across the screen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That said, there\u2019s nuance. Some clients need the embodied co-regulation that in-person work provides. Others feel safer behind a screen. My advice? Do what works. Drop the guilt. The mode is only a tool.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you\u2019re AuDHD and seeking therapy, you deserve to work with someone who gets it. Who doesn\u2019t just tolerate your tangents, your info dumps, your existential spirals\u2014but sees them as valid parts of your process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you\u2019re a therapist, and you\u2019re neurodivergent, welcome. Your way of being is an asset, not a liability. You bring something to the field that\u2019s desperately needed: lived experience, deep empathy, radical clarity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Therapy isn\u2019t about fixing people. It\u2019s about being with them as they find a way to carry what they\u2019ve been given. And if that way includes questioning the entire system, decolonising the model, and throwing the therapy rulebook out the window? Good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We were never meant to fit inside the lines anyway.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Of all the modalities I\u2019ve worked with, Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) <\/strong>remains the one I return to most often. It\u2019s deceptively simple\u2014and beautifully aligned with neurodivergent minds. SFBT doesn\u2019t ask clients to endlessly rehash the past. Instead, it focuses on what’s working, what\u2019s possible, and what small shifts can ripple into bigger change. For AuDHD clients who may already be exhausted by overanalysis and self-doubt, this strengths-based model helps redirect energy toward momentum, not paralysis. It\u2019s also inherently collaborative, which respects our agency and honours our unique perspectives.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Discover what therapy looks like when both the client and the counsellor are neurodivergent. In this candid post, an AuDHD psychologist explores trauma, therapeutic safety, modality mismatch, and the power of being seen by someone who truly gets your wiring.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":10470,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[239,232,175],"tags":[],"ppma_author":[306],"class_list":["post-10469","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-audhd","category-counselling","category-neurodiversity"],"yoast_head":"\n