{"id":10286,"date":"2025-07-12T04:11:40","date_gmt":"2025-07-11T18:41:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mindblownpsychology.com\/?p=10286"},"modified":"2025-07-12T04:11:40","modified_gmt":"2025-07-11T18:41:40","slug":"expat-dating-vietnam-emotional-intelligence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/leehopkins.com\/vi\/expat-dating-vietnam-emotional-intelligence\/","title":{"rendered":"When RSD strikes in expat dating"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Diary Entry: Friday 11th July 2025<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Something is not right here at Aussie Burgers.

I can feel it in the air, like humidity before a storm\u2014thick, wordless, and waiting. No one will look me in the eye. I\u2019m sitting down, in full view, but I\u2019ve become furniture\u2014something to walk around, not towards.

Only Pretty Nguyen comes over to talk. Her manner is calm but careful, as if she\u2019s stepping over emotional eggshells I didn\u2019t know I\u2019d laid. Everyone else avoids me like I\u2019m a question they don\u2019t want to answer.

Even \u0110\u00e0 L\u1ea1t Lee\u2014who normally beams, even on tough days\u2014only stayed long enough to offer a polite smile before walking away. A face-saving exit. Graceful. Practised. Ominous.

And that\u2019s the word that sticks. Ominous<\/em>.

I don\u2019t know what\u2019s been said. I don\u2019t know what\u2019s changed. But the warmth has gone cold. The air here feels like silence with sharp edges.

Something is wrong. And I can\u2019t fix what I don\u2019t understand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Update \u2014 My conversation with a mutual friend about H<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

After the frost at Aussie Burgers, I reached out to a good friend with two tangled threads of thought. One was about H. The other\u2026 about being lonely enough to start googling euphemisms.

I wrote:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

G\u2019day chap. Would really appreciate your advice, if you would. Two things:

1. H. We\u2019ve been seeing each other for a while, and she knows how I feel. But she won\u2019t tell me what she\u2019s thinking or feeling. I\u2019ve tried to see this courtship (?) through non-Western eyes, but all I can see are wildly mixed signals. Your thoughts?

2. I really value the respectful, gentlemanly relationship I have with H, but I miss the physical connection (holding hands, cuddling, etc.) of romantic relationships. I\u2019m looking at setting up a regular appointment with a Vietnamese woman for conversation, and I don\u2019t want to go where a thousand men have gone before. Thoughts?<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Ever the blunt oracle, he replied:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

I\u2019d certainly take a side trip. I don\u2019t offer much hope on H.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

I tried to explain (aka ‘justify myself and my emotions’). How H would sometimes message out of the blue to check if I\u2019d eaten. Or ask if I’d be interested in catching up for an impromptu coffee. About how she would give me little gifts that reflected that she had quietly listened to me during our many conversations, even the throwaway stuff, and missed nothing. How she once, during an almost-romantic dinner, rode off in a rainstorm to get me cash when I was temporarily skint after a rush of bills. And how, just hours after these tender moments, she\u2019d be back on VietnamCupid<\/em>\u2014profile blinking away like a lighthouse for new arrivals.

Mixed signals? Maybe not. Maybe I was just tuning in to the wrong frequency. Maybe she was always being clear\u2014I just didn\u2019t want to believe it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our mutual friend confirmed that the whole rollercoaster with her must hurt me a lot. For my mental health, he commented, I had to acknowledge that Vietnamese women are exceedingly caring, but she would have become even the slightest bit physical by now (such as ‘accidentally’ touching my arm) if she was romantically interested in me. She was likely keeping in touch and going for coffee dates to be friendly and ‘doesn\u2019t want to hurt your feelings’, he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Vietnamese are very thoughtful people. I can\u2019t speak to the VietnamCupid part, but she is a genuinely nice person. Ouch, but yes, I\u2019d start looking.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Bugger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Update \u2014 Good old RSD again, huh?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Just when I\u2019d fully convinced myself I\u2019d been quietly cancelled by the Aussie Burgers team and<\/em> H, \u0110\u00e0 L\u1ea1t Lee reappeared.

She looked stressed\u2014tight-faced, preoccupied\u2014and for a good half-hour she stood and unloaded. All business stuff. Customer dramas. Financial pressure. Not a word of it was about me.

And there it was: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria<\/em> throwing a private theatre production in my head once again. I had leapt to conclusions, cast myself as the villain in an invisible drama, and assumed her silence was punishment.

But it wasn\u2019t.

To my great relief, the warmth returned. We shared belly laughs. We called each other ‘family’ again. And with the shift in energy came something else unexpected: matchmaking.

She told me about a woman who had recently confided she was looking for a good man. Speaks English. \u201cVery sexy,\u201d \u0110\u00e0 L\u1ea1t Lee grinned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

You must contact her. Yes.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Only one photo on Zalo, but she\u2019s undeniably attractive\u2014though not the body type I would have once automatically labelled \u201csexy\u201d. Still, I\u2019m learning that attraction lives in the totality of someone, not just their silhouette.

After a little (read: much) nudging, I sent the Zalo friend request. She\u2019ll see it in the morning.

And I\u2019ll see what happens next.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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