The curious case of Amazon’s half-named executives

Ethan R., Angelique, and the bot problem

Amazon’s latest response landed in my inbox, and it raised a peculiar but telling question: why don’t my so-called “Executive Customer Relations” contacts have surnames?

Ethan R.

Angelique.

That’s how they sign off. Polite, polished, vague. But not quite human. Real people have surnames. Just minutes before Ethan’s latest email arrived, I had written to Amazon executives Doug Harrington, Dharmesh Mehta, and Steve Downer—all of whom, like the rest of us, carry full names. Full accountability.

So why don’t Ethan and Angelique? Why would the world’s largest retailer—a company with resources larger than many sovereign states—present its customers with corporate representatives who appear more like scripted constructs than real people? Why not go all the way and give the bots surnames too?

The issue is no longer just technical. Yes, my account access is still blocked. Yes, my royalties are still trapped. Yes, the stress and disruption are mounting daily. But layered over all of that is a deeper problem: the erosion of trust when “customer relations” no longer sound like humans at all.

Adobe once faced a similar problem with me—and solved it quickly. Amazon, meanwhile, has perfected the art of escalation without resolution. Escalation without identity. Escalation without surnames.

I’ve asked three things, and they remain unanswered:

1. A clear, realistic timeline for reinstating my account access.
2. Immediate release of my trapped royalties.
3. Confirmation that my emails are read—not just logged into a machine.

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